


His Whole Sky

by CountlessSunset



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountlessSunset/pseuds/CountlessSunset
Summary: The very first time their eyes met, she was his storm and rain. Fury mixed with resentment. Then he couldn’t chose her to be the moon because she sometimes as bright as the sun. Sometimes she was his star, far and impossible to reach. Age gap and moral. He wasn’t one of proper but when it came to her, Levi would think on her behalf. Just how fucked up she made him felt?





	His Whole Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Hella Enjoy and Review are welcomed!

If you're not busy go check out this link: [His Whole Sky](https://countlesssunset.tumblr.com/post/164170266416/just-random-stuff-i-really-wanna-share-because) to make sense of your Rivamika brain (´∀`)! 

 

* * *

 Guilt?

The word passed in her mind like a wind. Hitting cold and fast at her face.

The sky was grey – clouded with the promise of rain. Mikasa was watching the cavalcaded grey clouds towards the place she took shelter in. Somehow she could see herself at the darkest or brightest part of the cloud and even somewhere in between. But the feeling inside told her that this time the darkest was engulfing her.

She had more than mount of guilt to carry on since that rainy day when those traffickers murdered her parents. Not even a second passed without her feeling wasted to live a life but alongside it, a glimmer of hope showed its shape in the form of a boy.

Eren told her to fight – to keep fighting so that she could be a winner.

A winner of unfair game.

And she felt some wire cracked inside her, bolting out hidden power within her. The words he said just like a keyword to something she didn’t even know existing. That day Eren saved her – and since then Mikasa promised to put his life before hers. And so the promise became her primal air on and on.

Until that one day when Female Titan swallowed his body whole, Mikasa felt dying all over again inside to see the only family left of her disappeared before her eyes – letting her alone in this cruel world. This went without saying that the subject matter of Eren always activated her motivation button to its fullest. And so she pushed herself to its limit and was after the escaping Titan.

“Wait!”

She screamed at the top of her lungs and leapt up to chase after it when a hand grabbed her body up.

“Retreat now!”

From the corner of her eyes she saw his face was hard but those deep eyes set firmly on her for brief second. All emotion was raging within her – the pent up revenge was bit left behind instead the new feeling emerged. It was the deep disappointment. Not only he stopped Mikasa to save Eren from that Female Titan but also because she believed that he responsibly would keep Eren safe. Just like _he_ did in the trial.

Her eyes flung back to where the running Titan and she set her goal. She would do whatever to take Eren back – whatever it took.

The time Captain Levi informed her to distract the Titan; Mikasa was already ready to do her job. That meant to keep Eren alive by eliminated the threat. Nothing could stop her from slashing that titan. And the chance was opened before her. Mikasa aimed for the vulnerable nape.

“Don’t!”

Though the shouted warning from him didn't go unheard but she was blind to anything else around her. It was too late.

She was frozen midair – on the way to take up that chance. She was cast aside by him but in the end great effort cost something.

When the sound of bone cracked Mikasa felt something snapped inside her.

* * *

 It was more than demanded task.

A superior saved their subordinate. She always looked over it before that fateful day. Eren was another case though. He was her family and family always there whenever and wherever we needed them.

“What was the sacrifice for?”

The word was somewhat foreign in her dictionary – even after all she had done for Eren.

That evening Mikasa sat on the rooftop of the castle under the starry night sky. The sparkle stars were bright like no other day and for the first time she forgot that she lived in the time where human-eaten monster existed in every corner of the walls. It was luxury one would appreciate all night and day. Nature was priceless.

“I don’t know.”

Mikasa for fleeting moment still immersed herself in the tranquility until the voice made its way through her sense. Her body instantly got stiffened at the respond of her spoken thought – the goosebump broke out on her skin. Did she mention about chilly evening wind? No? She knew deep down it was because of that deep husky voice. The one she avoided the most.

For days Mikasa found herself just turned around, abruptly taking another route when she saw his nose popped up before her sight. She had no valid reason as to why she should avoid him. The answer was around the corner but she was too coward to admit it. Now it was on her mazard and all she could do was regarded her superior with head bowed, tilting aside to acknowledge him. It was not appropriate she knew. But it was her that time. Out of character and shaken.

_I have no more face to confront him._

Countless time her mind replayed how he had saved Eren.

How he, indirectly, _saved_ her.

The sound of clicking boot against the cold floor stone echoed louder as the captain glided smoothly on his healed leg – came closer to where she sat rigidly on the parapet. Her head still tilted to the left and from her peripheral view, he probably was on her right flank or right behind her. The cold still engulfed her body but not too snappy this time.

She didn’t wanna move until he did it first – and by god above, he did. The captain took the vacant spot next to her.

A light gasp escaped her mouth out of reflex as her eyes found the harness wrapped around the white pants of the robust thigh. Right on cue she shifted away her head to another side. Exactly by 45 degree angle.

Something confirmed implicitly.

“What are you doing here?”

She never found another person so direct and blunt like him – perceptive tone nonetheless.

 _I want to be anywhere but near you_ but she couldn’t bring herself to say it to his face. Maybe once she wished she could do with the obvious ire. But not now. Maybe ever again.

“Just star gazing, Sir.” Mikasa heard him snorting.

“You don’t strike me as that type of person.”

That was when her head snapped at him. Her eyes darkened and the corner of her mouth twitched as the short captain stared up blankly at the sky. “See for yourself first.”

Levi felt the amusement stirred inside – to experience that sarcasm flowing off her mouth again. This Mikasa was one he could handle. He was used to it from the start. But then as the time moved forward another one showed up. The one with quiet and all effort to avoid him at all cost was some kind of nightmare. He took his time gazing at the _Cygnus_ before glancing at her, “welcome back, brat.”

 _Oh, it was what he wanted to see from me_. He played a game, she thought wickedly. Two could play it then.

“With all due respect I called it night, Sir.”

“It’s too deep meaning, Mikasa.”

The sound of her name on his lips put her to a stop from landing on her feet. Now she was a single minded person again. She shifted to the front, giving him a chance. She didn’t know how and why but it was all she did. To see what would work out. Almost she denied her thought at the instant. For record they both had no chance at maintaining dynamic let alone good relationship to begin with.

Everyone knew Mikasa back then held a grudge because he beat the shit out of Eren and he looked no sorry at all. And she didn’t like a bit of his gut.

“Sacrifice.” He said concerning her blurting that was caught by him. He continued when she only waited in silence. “We live in this shitty world and words are too narrow to describe it. I, myself, was never been good with word but I will try.”

His presence drew her attention and she found her eyes caught the gentleness in his profile. The person before her now was very relaxed from all the time she knew him. He put his weight a little to his right hand while the other hand rested on his propped up left knee. The tip of his fingers dangled in the air, facing down the ground beneath. Above of all the gentle that was shown, his face was the most captivating one.

“Sir?”

“You experienced it firsthand how cruel this world and our life is in constant danger. And the word ‘sacrifice’ holds deep meaning in our time, Mikasa – like offering your life for a better without being asked. The life contains its own fate but human is made of hope and that little fragile thing is the one that keep us moving on. Tch,” his pectoral jerked a bit at impact, “just like us, soldier, doing it for humanity because we are clang to a hope. Your case is, it is for Eren.”

“He’s my family.”

“I know and it’s indifference.” The wind ruffled his inky hair, made the undercut more apparent to her eyes. “But not everyone wills to do it. It includes the soldier, some for selfish hidden reason but somehow sacrifice wraps the intention purely. No matter what the receiving end is, it’s always been for the better.”

The silence engulfed.

“That was a shitty explanation, you are welcome.”

“Sir-”

“Don’t.”

Levi took his time to behold her, knew that she got it. That was why he told her the fucked up general of the word so that she could put stop to whatever held her from being her old self to him. He was willing to endure her millions of snide words and death glares instead of her gratitude and the feeling of indebted. He wanted the old Mikasa even if it cost the revelation – her revelation. Nothing much to do to it though. Because she was still confused about her feelings. And he couldn’t tell it was good or bad sign.

“Keep it to yourself.”

“But why?” She couldn’t help herself not to voice it out.

He still looked at her dead in the eyes. _No_. Now he saw through her, deep into her soul. He saw great vehement in it but she, herself, still didn’t conclude it yet to a term. It was all barren in her eyes nonetheless. All that clumsy reckless gestures she displayed unintentionally, he could read them. He could read her like an open book.

Something changed.

There was this distortion that weight to the unwanted balance. He was scared at that moment to unravel it and crestfallen for her to not realize it at the same time. Perhaps it was for the best. Her confusion helped him to decide for now.

“What I say is that we must do our job well. Like I’ll do mine and that’s all that matters.”

* * *

The time kept flowing on. Days turned weeks. Weeks became another months.

So did the moon and the sun kept their role high up in the sky. Just like the stars that shone that night. Just like the rain down poured between the bright days…

They continued to fight, to do expeditions and experiments. It was countless glorious survive and struggle but it didn’t matter because there was still hope for humanity. And Mikasa battled like it was her last, fiercer and harder. The matter was she did her job to protect Eren, to protect the last hope of humanity. Just like _he_ said.

Unfortunately they didn’t talk much after that night. It was like a one-time decent convey between them.

Not to mention deep one.

And Mikasa would be a liar if she said she didn’t miss it. Too much happened and had been through after it. In between the hassle and loosen time she wasn’t satisfied if it wasn’t him she talked to. As if it was a must medic. There was this feeling that deeply running in her vein, urging her to exchange words like the last time – if not more. She did, oh she did everything to make it true. But every opportunity she saw was shut down when he faced away from her. Like it was goddamn bricks she viewed on him. Worst, it was like a damn fortress!

Just what the hell was wrong with him?!

_“Captain I-”_

_“Kirstein, don’t mess with your shit in today’s training!”_

_“Sir-”_

_“Braus, put that potatoes back in the kitchen or stable duty for the rest of your life!”_

_“Cap-”_

_“Springer, is your head on your goddamn knee? Use that rag and clean this table now!”_

_“…”_

_“Jaeger, control your titan hormone or Hanji surely will make you paid for it!”_

It was all ridiculous she heard of his excuses.

Yes, they were just his excuses!

She knew it every time he looked away from her. For others, his light speed glance was undetected yet whom he was fooling. Mikasa knew him long enough to discern every of his hidden gesture. As his right hand in the battle field, they communicated beyond words and comprehension of others. Their taciturn nature was their attribute but they read each other like a coin. It was some sort of bond they had. Outside and inside the battle field, the bond existed.

And who could fool it now or ever?

Moreover on her part, something grew after that night. It was the hate-gut feelings turned to respect and then turned to admiration. Then they somehow became a fuel and laid back feeling to keep her on the battlefield and after that it was all completely strange feeling. Jolting and restless she felt inside. It was the first time she ever felt this way and she so lost on it. But he must know what was going on with her since he pulled up all the curtain when she wanted to confirm it.

The way he would turn his back on her quickly was enough that he hid something. Whatever it was, it had to do with her and their talk that night.

* * *

Mikasa was not given time and chance to tear off that wall of him and saw what he hid inside.

Even until the humanity almost tasted its bitter-sweet victory through the myriad death of the fighters, Levi didn’t let her have a chance. Not after what happened to Erwin and the serum. It could have tested what thing tied them both. And for all sake in this world, Levi would cherish what was left of it – kept it safe with him.

But her confrontation didn’t meet its end. She started name-calling him again to break him apart, to break the wall he built for the better for both of them.

_“Damn it, midget! Can you hear me for second?”_

_“Let me talk first okay, shorty?”_

_“You are unbelievable chibi, just hear me say!”_

_“You know what? You are a jerk coward midget!”_

All in the hall turned to her but Levi gave her his back, kept walking to his sanctuary. He still could hear the roar of her frustration when he reached his door. He could just be the old himself since her agita turned her back to her old self. But he never did that. The reason? Simply he couldn’t because he was falling too deep. Later that night he tossed and turned on his bed because it was her who gave this out of character impact to him. He was on his bed at 1100 hour and he knew it was in vain.

It was why he sat on this exact parapet where he had found her that night. Unconsciously his palm felt the rough ground of the brick. It was impossible to feel and see that this quarter still tough after grievous times.

Levi sighed in astonishment. Just like what he felt for her. That feeling…In fact it toughened day by day. He couldn’t help to harbor feelings towards the raven beauty. The thought of her made him looking up at the sky. He caught the pale moon peeked in from the grey cloud while the stars sparkling, scattered free in the width of blackness. They all reminded him of her.

Because Mikasa Ackerman was his whole damn sky.

The very first time their eyes met, she was his storm and rain. Fury mixed with resentment. Then he couldn’t chose her to be the moon because she sometimes as bright as the sun. Sometimes she was his star, far and impossible to reach. Age gap and moral shits. He wasn’t one of proper but when it came to her, Levi would think on her behalf. Just how fucked up she made him felt?

Damn. He was more scared that night when they were talking than faced to face with any kind of Titans. And he ran away from it for years. Yes, she was right. He was insufferable coward.

“How long?”

Levi stiffened.

That feminine voice felt like silk in his ear and he realized she was standing there behind him. And go on called him sadist, the raspy in it sounded undeniably sexy. Levi felt his heart hammering against his ribcage. Deep down he knew this day would come – knowing she wasn’t type to hold up hands easily. But it was always sooner in his thought. He couldn’t face her but persistent as she was, she bolded to take steps closer.

“How long do you plan to avoid me?” Now her voice was getting crystal clear in the soft nighty wind, “I don’t know what I did wrong. I did what you asked me to.”

She wasn’t in wrong. He just hoped the time was right.

“Captain, please…”

The apparent plea stunned him and his body didn’t have any power to deny her. And per usual it just needed her voice to send him on his knee. That was the reason he had avoided her at all cost. Funny that it was her who eluded him in the beginning but now the table was turned. He licked his own spit.

Before he knew what happened, he already turned his body to face her. From the corner of his eyes something sheer rippled because of the persistent wind.

“Look at me.”

He did and his heart thumped loud once before skip a beat, twice and now it burst out of his chest while eyes widened as big as saucer.

Nothing was more magnificent than the sight of her.

She was standing there before him in her nightgown – all womanly curves were visible to his damned eyes. Heaven…his mortal eyes surely believed that no angel could beat this woman. Her lovely eyes were glassy with dropping crystals threatening to fall on her flushed face. What made him froze was the realization. She was embracing it.

“Levi, I love you.”

Boneless was an understatement to describe him at that moment to hear that soothing voice of her doing confession and nothing came out of his mouth.

“…”

“You have no rights to stop me now.”

Her hand held up as if he would object with that gapping senile mouth of him.

“You had your share for four years to avoid me and I know, _we_ know that there’s something _more_ at that night. But you decided to shut me out before I could even say it out loud. You made it seemed like it’s wrong to grow between us when all I have to do is to welcome it. It’s okay if it’s not the same to you but I need to tell you about it.”

Her voice loosened in the end. She didn’t care if now she made a fool of herself. From the very start it was what she wanted. If she couldn’t make him talk, then she would just tell him what she had for him. But it hurt to no end. No words came out to rescue her from the heartbreaking confession.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

“Don’t.” Levi firm yet gentle wrapped her vagrancy as she started to take off again. “Mikasa,”

Her breath lost for second as her heart swelling at the mere gesture.

Yes four years had passed and he had been a coward to his own feelings, to both of them. But this woman always surprised him. She was within his reach now, telling about the string that tied them both.

“I’m sorry,”

Mikasa widened her eyes. Not only his utter desperate apologize, but because in the meantime he released her hand also.

Did…did h-he not feel the same? Was she wrong about the red line?

Before any thought occurred in her head she was baffled when warm jacket wrapped her cold body. She watched Levi – who now only had his white pristine shirt on – smoothed down the edge of it on her chest while breathing deeply. His hands left the current spot to move up, resting gently on her cheeks. She couldn’t help to lean on his warm touch and inhaled his warm scent. It was so comfortable, felt like home – her home.

He then stunned her more than anything and was caught more when he spoke.

“I never thought you would set your eyes for me. What had happened in those years, I did that to let you rethought and choose _when_ there’s really hope for humanity’s freedom at the end in this unsure world.”

She bit her lower lip out of desperation. “I don’t care.”

“You should,” he caressed her cheek soothingly, “because now humanity likely has hope for its freedom. I don’t wanna limit you before or ever.”

“What are you talking about?”

His hands gingerly cupped her face as a big pad of his thumb touched the red tip of her cold nose while the lump started to form in his throat he found it was hard to say, “there are so many guys out there. You cannot waste your time on me.”

Even likely he would kill those guys first for sure before they could land a tip on her. It was ancient oath but true to his heart. He couldn’t help at the pouty face of her.

“Seriously, Levi?”

This man just didn’t know his capability to open her hard skull, to make her see the unseen. To realize that she wasn’t standing alone – that there was other who cared for her and understood her deeply when she only had her eyes on Eren. He made her realized she was capable of feeling something precious for another.

When she was utterly blind in the name of devotion.

Mikasa was all too familiar to the word of devotion. And she could see it now in his eyes. This man would give his life to save her time to time.

How could she never think like that? She didn’t know that all of this time she was loved, cherished and protected by other. Because he was being her shadow all the time. Moreover it was Levi who always didn’t give proper credit to himself. And about his feelings, now she knew it was mutual. Others could only talk harsh and she wouldn’t give a damn to nourish it more.

She held his hand on her cheek, “You have sacrificed enough for – I don’t even know how long. Just please for now don’t sacrifice your feeling. Not mine either. Not now.”

“You said it like love is selfish thing.” Steely blue eyes softened at her only.

“Call it that. I won’t deny.” She cradled his face so smoothly, “But after all this time we deserve to be happy. Together.”

Levi beheld her for moment before finally closed the gap between them to pull her in his arms. He relished the restrained feelings for four years this time in this warm embrace. The pent up feelings fueled to its fullest, turned it from sublime into gentler and slower.

They had time in the world now.

He hugged her tighter while inhaling her alluring scent. For the first time he felt in peace. He wanted to feel her because when he looked in her eyes, her words were true. Four years of being physically apart and emotionally torn, the happiness seemed out of reach. But now when she was within his embrace, he could taste that bliss.

Her hands were on his chest as she closed her eyes – indulging the feelings of his heartbeats. “You are impossible man, Levi.”

A genuine smile spread on his face as she whispered it on his neck. His hands slowly but precisely glided down to rest around her waist while pulling his face away slightly to look her in the eye. Even the remnant streak of tears still there, she was meant to stun out the stars above.

“Yeah but you love this impossible man.”

“Yes,” Her hands traveled up to his neck and locked behind it. Her shining eyes challenged him as they dropped to his lips, “tell me why.”

“I love you, Mikasa.”

Right then Levi kissed her lips in a sweet lip lock and told her why through it under the sparkle night sky.

 

_Fin_


End file.
